I love Instagram. I love creating content, crafting stories, and connecting with old and new friends. I love it so much that I made it my job. I create Facebook and Instagram ads for clients to help them connect with a larger audience and drive sales. You might even call me an expert...
An Instagram expert who is, admittedly, FREAKED OUT by social media.
You see I am a mom of three teenagers, and while I love using Instagram, I just wasn’t sure that I wanted my family to use my favorite app!
So my husband and I did a little research and decided to compromise with a family rule that no one would open an Instagram account until they were in 7th grade.
At first, I worried most about the commenting. I didn’t want my daughter to spend time stressing after she made a post about who was going to say what or maybe worse, who would say nothing at all.
The kids promised that they understood that an Instagram post was not a competition to see how many people could get likes or comments but a tool to create art, tell a story, and connect with friends. Maybe they were just telling me what they thought I wanted to hear, but I was satisfied that they had at least heard me. We made good on our commitment to allow each of them to open an Instagram account in 7th grade.
That was four years ago… My oldest is now in 11th grade and so far no one has ended up in a puddle on the floor due to a nasty cyberbully attack or a mean girl comment.
But now? I’m worried about the filters!
When I see my children on social media, I realize that they have no baseline of ‘normalcy’ like I did at age 15. They are looking at screens so much that there is a chance they are seeing more people with altered images than they are seeing people ‘in their natural state’ on a daily basis.
“The real issue with Instagram filters is the lack of transparency from the users and the application. Now more than ever, young individuals who are constantly adapting and redefining themselves have unrealistic beauty standards and expectations. This in turn increases feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness that become dangerous when not addressed. Many studies have concluded that the constant exposure to unattainable beauty standards and a lack of true representation increases the chances of individuals developing depression, anxiety, and/or eating disorders. It is important for young people to have adequate visual representation in the social media they consume. This allows them to normalize certain experiences and even insecurities they might have,” said Marina Villani-Capo, Psychologist at Nicklaus Children’s Hospital.
So as parents, what can you do?
Keep Talking to Them
It is important that we keep having these conversations with our children. With my family, for example, we talk about photos we see on their social media and really analyze how they match up with reality. “Is it really possible that every 15-year-old featured on XYZ’s account has never had acne in their entire life? NO!”
Seek Advice from a Professional 'Filterer'
Find an expert in the field. I don’t mean a therapist, but a PHOTOGRAPHER. I have a friend who says this goes a long way in her house. She had her daughter talk to her uncle, a professional photographer. He explained that no photographer would ever put an unedited image into the world and the kids listened! This conversation seemed to help chip away at the belief that there really wasn’t a huge number of flawless humans living easy, breezy, unfiltered lives somewhere out there beyond their iPhones.
Encourage them to Talk to Each Other
Whenever I have more than two teenagers in my car, I strategically plant “conversation bombs.” I ask questions to get the two of them started. Did you see that photo of Kylie Jenner? What kind of editing techniques did you learn in your photography class? Are you sure that Marissa has never had a zit in her life? (We go there!). I find that together 15-year-olds usually discover truths much faster than sorting it out on their own.
Godspeed Parents! We can’t protect our kids from everything… including the thousands of filters offered by Instagram. However, with a little strategic conversation we can help open up the possibility in our teenager’s mind that the body and face that they were born with is normal and beautiful.