As social beings, belonging is a basic human need. And kids who feel connected to their family, community and school see big mental and physical health benefits.
When kids feel like they belong, they feel more secure, and that can help them:
- Make friends
- Achieve more academically
- Have higher levels of self-esteem
Children who are lonely, who feel like they don’t belong, can be at higher risk for feeling excluded. This can lead to:
- Increased risk of anxiety or depression
- Poor concentration at school
- More likely to get sick
Four Ways to Improve Belonging
The good news is that you can build a child’s sense of belonging!
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Teach social skills. When children learn about sharing, patience, taking turns, listening and following directions, they’re more likely to build relationships with others. While relational skills don’t promise a sense of belonging, they help kids have a starting point. You can also teach your child about handling intense emotions Learning calm down strategies can help children not act out towards their peers.
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Find opportunities for social time. When your child is able to interact with others who share similar interests, they are more likely to build a sense of belonging. This could mean looking for school/community groups or activities that your child would enjoy, attending special events or arranging playdates.
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Encourage reluctant and enthusiastic children. Different children may express different levels of interest in connecting with others. While some social kids may be constantly asking for activities and friend time, other children, including those on the autism spectrum, may not be as interested. All children benefit from social belonging and connectedness, regardless of their expressed interest level. Try to help kids find opportunities that appeal to them and realize that some clubs/teams/activities may take a few times to get used to for shy children. If you’re worried that your child is consistently disinterested in socializing, you may want to talk to a mental health professional.
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Reassure children that everyone feels a lack of belonging sometimes. Kids who have felt rejected or been bullied in the past can be more sensitive to feeling like they don’t fit in. However, all people have feelings of not fitting in sometimes. Children who only have a few friends can still have a strong sense of belonging if the quality of their relationships is high. When there is a problem with a friendship, parents can help kids think through whether what happened could be interpreted in another way instead of assuming the worst.
You can get some fun ideas to build belonging in your family with this download.